Empty

Dear Father,

How are you doing? I guess it's customary to ask. Espeacially for me because most times i just want to get into what it is i have to say!

Well, i am not doing too great today. Yes i know that i should know better and i actually know better but here i am this way when there should be no buts!

I kept thinking how empty i feel today, yes i am not on any projects right now and it can get really tiring and be a real spirit breaker but is that not another excuse?

Why do i feel empty? Do i feel something is lacking in my life? Because something will always be "lacking" - I can't have it all, no one can. I know the secret is in ...................what is the secret? What do i know?

What do You expect of me, Father? Who am i really? I know i stopped trying very hard and just lived my life as best and as happy as i could without so much effort at faith. It took too much out of me and i couldn't do it anymore.

Why do tears feel my eyes today? Why don't i feel good? Is it because i want to because trust me, I can switch to sunshine mood right this momment and You know i can.

I am not making any sense, not even to myself so i will stop here.